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Wife: If you keep losing your hair at this speed, I shall divorce you.
Husband: Oh my God! And I was stupid enough trying to save them!
Now a Days!!
Position of Husband is like a Split A.C,
No matter how loud he is outside,
But inside the house
He is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by
The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is…
Jusr open the door and tell her to take Ola Cab back home!!!
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
“Hi,wat ru doin?”
His honest reply,”MISSING U”
My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.
“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.
“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.
He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.”
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking
Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club:
Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He’s On The Darts Team
In My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again ?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says “Hey Jimmy Boy ,
You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time..”
Jim’s Funeral Is On Sunday
Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and peace so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!
Husband texts to wife on cell..
“Hi,what r you doing Darling?”
Wife: I’m dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”
Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”
Husband: “Bloody English Language!
Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
We don’t know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!
husband: What should i do now?
Doctor – Send her 4 jogging,
if she returns, don’t sleep with her!
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
A woman and her husband stop at a dentist’s office.
“I need a tooth pulled right away,” she says. “Don’t bother with the Novocain; we’re in a hurry.”
“Which tooth do you want pulled?” asks the dentist.
The woman shoves her husband toward the dentist. “Go ahead, dear. Show him your tooth.”
After massive demand from all husbands…
A new app called,”Fear” is launched in IPHONE 7
You just say ,”Wife”
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders
deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife’s photograph as a wallpaper.
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I’ve bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
Doctor: I’m kidding, She is Dead…