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english-jokes

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recent jokes in english

  • Santa and Banta are walking

    Santa and Banta are walking on a road, and they find a 1000 rupee note lying down.
    Santa – What should we do now?
    Banta- We’ll take 50:50.
    Santa- What about the remaining 900?
    😋😋😋😁

    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
  • go for movie

    Santa: Let’s go for movie.
    Banta: Shit, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today..
    Santa: Just cancel it,Tell him you’re sick
    😋😋😋😁

    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
  • Santa reading newspaper

    Santa reading newspaper..
    News: “Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump”
    Santa comments: Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!!
    😁😁🤣😁

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    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
  • letter from this lawyer

    I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.
    😜😜😜😜

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    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
  • old aunts

    My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

    We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
    😁😁😁

    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
    [Total: 0   Average: 0/5]
  • Yo mama fat joke

    Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

    [Total: 1   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 1   Average: 5/5]
  • a bit of tomato sauce

    A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. “Och, I look like a pig!”

    The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”

    [Total: 5   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 5   Average: 5/5]
  • selling my talking parrot

    I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
  • What do politicians and diapers

    Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?

    A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

    [Total: 3   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 3   Average: 5/5]
  • funny and beautiful

    “You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”

    “Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.”

    “And smart, too!”

    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
  • I refuse to eat this roastbeef

    Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “

    Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
  • making Russian tea

    I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.

    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
  • Your driver’s license please

    A police officer stops a car.

    Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”

    Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”

    Officer: “At home?”

    Driver: “No, to do it.”

    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]
  • Cool accent

    I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

    So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

    One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

    So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

    That’s about as far as I remember.

    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
    [Total: 2   Average: 5/5]
  • I get this intense

    Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.

    Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

    [Total: 4   Average: 5/5]