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english-jokes

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recent jokes in english

  • smells like worms

    What is transparent and smells like worms?

    A bird’s fart 🙂

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  • bad news

    Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

    Michael: The good news.

    Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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  • may I disturb

    At work:

    Excuse me, may I disturb you shortly?

    Of course, what is it?

    Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.

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  • clearly never

    What flutters about and clearly never had a bath in its entire life?

    Stinkerbell.

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  • incredible Sulk

    What is green and sits crying in the corner?

    The incredible Sulk.

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  • planning to get

    My friend was planning to get a Labrador. Is he mad?! Hasn’t he seen how many of their owners go blind?!”

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  • master of fast

    “I am a master of fast calculations.”

    “OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?”

    “22!”

    “Ha ha, that’s wrong!”

    “Might be, but it was fast!”

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  • A zebra

    What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?

    A zebra with a sun burn.

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  • how many times

    Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?

    Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.

    Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?

    Man: No, I’m a barber.

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  • favorite memories

    One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!

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  • Don’t call me

    I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!

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  • have a good day

    My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!

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  • drug dealer

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

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