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jokes in english

jokes in english 

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  • the newscaster

    A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!” Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.” After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”

  • blonde are walking

    A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.” The blonde looks up and says, “Where?”

  • confuse a blonde

    How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

  • redhead are running

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”

  • Florida or the Sun

    So I asked a blonde, “Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?” She said, “The Sun, because I can look up and see it.

  • The United States

    Brunette: “Where were you born?”
    Blonde: “The United States.”
    Brunette: “Which part?”
    Blonde: “My whole body.”

  • iPad in a blender

    Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.

  • blondes walk

    Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it…..

  • finished a jigsaw

    Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, “two to four years.”

  • drifts over a desert

    What is red and drifts over a desert?

    A fart with a sunburn.

  • smells like worms

    What is transparent and smells like worms?

    A bird’s fart 🙂

  • bad news

    Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

    Michael: The good news.

    Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

  • may I disturb

    At work:

    Excuse me, may I disturb you shortly?

    Of course, what is it?

    Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.

  • clearly never

    What flutters about and clearly never had a bath in its entire life?

    Stinkerbell.

  • incredible Sulk

    What is green and sits crying in the corner?

    The incredible Sulk.

  • planning to get

    My friend was planning to get a Labrador. Is he mad?! Hasn’t he seen how many of their owners go blind?!”

  • master of fast

    “I am a master of fast calculations.”

    “OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?”

    “22!”

    “Ha ha, that’s wrong!”

    “Might be, but it was fast!”

  • A zebra

    What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?

    A zebra with a sun burn.

  • how many times

    Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?

    Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.

    Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?

    Man: No, I’m a barber.

  • favorite memories

    One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!

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