jokes in english
- Girlfriend birthday joke
My girlfriend’s 🤷♀️birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!
- just finishing my make-up
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
- Wife funny
Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ?
Husband: What do u think I am…a gardener ?
Wife: Can u fix the door handle ?
Husband: What do you think I am… a Carpenter ?
In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.
Husband: Who did all this ?
Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options…..Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.
Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger.
Wife: What do u think I am…….McDonalds ?
- Teacher funny
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5🤑
- Akbar joke
Teacher: Who was Akbar ?
Boy: Akbar was Gay.
Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that?
We have heard
Laila – Majnu,
Akbar – Birbal !😁
- Homework joke
Teacher: Can I see your homework
Me: Haha no way loser do your own
- Super hero jokes
Boy: I am a super hero, guess my name?
Girl: Superman? Ironman?
Boy: Watchman who saves owners lives.😁
- After hair cut
After hair cut
Barbar : is that fine?
Me: yaah.. Awesome…
*cries in the corner* 😒 😑
- Student homework
Teacher- Did you do your homework?
Student – Did you grade my test?
Teacher – I have other students’ tests to grade.
Student – I have other teachers’ homework to do.😎
# be LIKEA BOSS
- Angry santa
Angry Santa threw 6 cricket balls on his gf.
GF: “What the hell was that?”
Santa: “its over”!🤣
- Two police officers
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
- the newscaster
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!” Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.” After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
- blonde are walking
A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.” The blonde looks up and says, “Where?”
- confuse a blonde
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
- redhead are running
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”
- Florida or the Sun
So I asked a blonde, “Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?” She said, “The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
- The United States
Brunette: “Where were you born?”
Blonde: “The United States.”
Brunette: “Which part?”
Blonde: “My whole body.”
- iPad in a blender
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
- blondes walk
Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it…..
- finished a jigsaw
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, “two to four years.”