latest funny status in english for whatsapp & fb
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Coins always make sound but the currency notes are always silent! That’s why I’m always calm and silent…
Fact: Phone on silent mode – 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my whatsapp status….
At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
You can never buy Love… But still you have to pay for it…
Whatsapp users never die, they just go offline.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep
Status: I on Not on whatsapp…
Save water – Drink beer!
I love my job only when I am on Holiday…
Oh Please…. Don’t copy my status.
Dear God, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
latest whatsapp funny status in english
Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be ‘I left one million dollars in the…’
C.L.A.S.S – Come late and start sleeping
This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.
Eat – Sleep – Regret – Repeat.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
Smile… It confuses people…!!
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
The only thing I gained so far in this year is weight!
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
Hey there whatsapp is using me.
Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
Never steal. The government hates competition.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.
Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
Save paper, don’t do homework.
latest funny status for fb
Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves few years ago we think we were an idiot.
Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
Sleep till you are hungry… Eat till you are sleepy.
Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
Totally available! Please disturb me…
One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
latest funny status in english
1. I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Aadhar card.
2. A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”
3. People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
4. Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guy
5. God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me
6. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
7. The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
8. People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
9. When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
10. The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
11. I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News. (Funny Whatsapp Status In Hindi)
12. I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.
13. I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
14. Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
15. Justin Bieber was arrested this morning for using men’s toilet.
16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
17. You Don’t Know Something? Google It. You Don’t Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can’t Find Something? Mom! (Best, Funny Whatsapp Status)
18. Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
19. Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.
20. Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror
short funny status in english
21. I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
22. Those who say money can’t buy happiness are shopping at the wrong places.
23. Oooooh, thats a bit too harsh. Let me put a `lol` at the end of it.
24. Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
25. I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
26. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
27. I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
28. They say “don’t drink and drive”. Well…. yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I’m a badass.
29. Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to Speak.
30. When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up, it’s like having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
31. Taking revenge is wrong…very very wrong.. But very very fun.
32. The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
33. The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching.
34. Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue,and children Abductor,People Will Still bless you “continue to be who you are” in your birthday.
35. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
36. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
37. Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
38. Remember, there are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for you. Push and Pull.
39. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
40. Why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body.